‘My mother-in-law turns up unannounced in the mornings – she won’t even text first’

A woman has become frustrated by her mother-in-law repeatedly dropping by unannounced in the mornings, without sending so much as a text to check with her first

Woman looking over a fence (Stock Photo)
They’ve even had to have a large side gate installed to stop her knocking on the lounge window (Stock Photo)

Having family and friends pop by unannounced can be a lovely surprise, but first thing on a weekday morning perhaps isn’t the most ideal time for an impromptu visit.

One introverted woman doesn’t know what to do about her mother-in-law repeatedly dropping by without warning, just before her other half heads off to work.

Explaining her predicament on Mumsnet, the self-described “private person” claims that her mother-in-law has a tendency to head over to their house at around 8.15 am, just 15 minutes before her husband starts work.

As she emphasised to her fellow users, she isn’t at all keen on surprise guests. She’s therefore struggled to adapt to the way her in-laws – who all live in the same neighbourhood – feel quite comfortable visiting each others’ homes unannounced.

This isn’t the way she enjoys at all, being the sort of person who needs a bit of time to “prepare myself mentally for any extended visits or socialising.”

Her mother-in-law doesn’t see the issue with popping over without warning (Stock Photo)


Getty Images/Maskot)

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Although her husband has asked his mum to make sure to call or text beforehand, the penny just hasn’t dropped. She sees no reason to do so, reasoning that “I don’t need to ask, I’m your mum!”

When she does message, she will never ask whether it’s a good time to visit, and will just give them a heads up that she’s already five minutes away in the car.

The couple has even had to install a large side gate on the drive due to her habit of simply going around the back of the house and knocking on their lounge windows if they don’t answer the front door.

Recalling one particularly uncomfortable incident on Mumsnet, the frustrated daughter-in-law wrote: “We had guests last summer that we hadn’t seen in a while and she just turned up and came round the back and let herself in, and joined us all in the lounge until my husband hinted that she needed to go.

“I just find it so intrusive, rude, and socially inept but it doesn’t seem to be sinking in with her.”

The unnamed woman, who goes by the username katrizia127, says she wouldn’t mind so much if the conversation wasn’t so one-sided, with her mother-in-law ranting about people she doesn’t know, while never taking the time to ask what’s going on with her.

She’s now wondering whether she’s being unreasonable to not want her mother-in-law to stop by whenever she likes unannounced. However, many users see exactly where she’s coming from.

One person advised: “Just be frank. Next time she comes over, tell her plainly that you enjoy having time to yourself. You don’t like being around people all the time. Tell her that your husband will contact her when he’s finished work to arrange a time the family can get together.

“She may react as though you’ve been rude, but as long as you stay polite in the way you explain this, there’s nothing to feel guilty about. It has become a habit and she may react badly to you trying to break it. Don’t back down!”

Another wrote: “I adore my mum, see her a couple of times a week, I love company and I’m pretty extrovert – I would hate this. Yes we’re family, yes we love spending time together, but neither of us would show up uninvited, it’s crazy behaviour.

“You’re being far, far too accommodating. She doesn’t give a s*** about making you uncomfortable and she’s getting away with it because you’re too polite to tell her to go away. Stop being nice, stop letting her in!

“Your husband needs to tackle it and keep tackling it till she knocks it off. If he won’t I’d strongly consider moving.”

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