Years ago, a woman who doesn’t want children herself acted as a surrogate for her sister. Her boyfriend has just found out after seeing old pictures and isn’t happy
Image: Getty Images/iStockphoto)
Many years ago, when she was just 20 years old, a young woman says she decided she would give the ultimate gift to her older sister, who’d been struggling with fertility issues.
Her sister had sadly suffered several miscarriages, and so she stepped up to be her surrogate, carrying the baby who is now her seven-year-old niece.
She claims she feels no maternal feelings towards her niece, and regards herself as simply “the handy oven for that bun”.
Therefore, she never thought to tell her now-boyfriend about the situation, who was left more than a little surprised after seeing old family pics of her with a full pregnant belly.
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The couple has been together for around two and a half years, and – once things got serious – she told him that she personally didn’t want to have children.
In a Reddit post, she explained that, although her boyfriend did want kids, he decided he could live without them after they talked it over together.
However, a spanner was thrown in the works during her dad’s birthday party, when her family dug out some old photos. In one, she could be seen heavily pregnant, leading to some confusion on her boyfriend’s part.
According to the poster – who goes by the username u/HelicopterNo3063 – her boyfriend initially assumed she’d had a child that she’d given up for adoption. After she explained the situation, he still isn’t pleased.
She doesn’t think it should matter, as it was all so long ago, but her boyfriend feels differently and felt she should have said something.
The poster continued: “When we left he told me I should have told him and said how it wasn’t fair that I’d been willing to give my sister a child but wouldn’t even consider having one with him.
“I got upset as there is a big difference between carrying a child and raising a child and told him as much. I told him I was sorry for not telling him but I honestly hadn’t felt it was his business as it had been years before we got together.
“I then reminded him how he had been the one to say he could live without children as I’d warned him long ago. He is still upset with me, I honestly didn’t think I did anything wrong here.”
Although her fellow Reddit users didn’t think she’d done anything wrong per se, they have advised her to think carefully about her relationship going forward, with children clearly being a point of contention.
One person warned: “He reacted on a big scale, and that is understandable, but he is basically saying ‘you had a baby for them, you should be willing to have one for me, too!’ which is not cute.
“You both made the wishful mistake of thinking that he could just be okay without kids when you both know he wants them. He is not okay with it, and if you don’t have kids, he will resent you.
“If you do choose to have kids for him, you will resent him and possibly also the kids. Please think this through carefully.”
Another wrote: “Something I don’t think should get lost in the weeds is that he clearly still wants children and this is a huge compatibility issue.
“He is either lying to you or lying to himself and one of these will come to light ‘too late’ and it will be an even bigger issue then.
“And I love that you carried a child for your sister, I would do anything for mine as well and I wouldn’t tell anyone I birthed their child that wasn’t in my life at the time. It sort of puts an asterisk on the child that doesn’t need to be there if no one wants it to be.”
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