‘I froze my husband’s sperm before he died – my sister-in-law says it’s selfish’

A grieving woman claims to have had her late husband’s sperm extracted before he died, but her sister-in-law doesn’t approve of her decision, which she sees as “selfish”

Woman comforting angry friend (Stock Photo)
Her sister-in-law says she should have spoken with the family first (Stock Photo)

A young woman, who claims to have lost her husband in a car accident has told how her sister-in-law thinks she’s “selfish” for freezing his sperm.

The unnamed widow has shared her story online, turning to the internet for some advice after clashing with her husband’s sister over her actions.

The post explains that before her husband’s life support was turned off, the woman, who is in her late twenties, spoke with the doctors about extracting his sperm. The couple hadn’t had any children, assuming they had years ahead to decide one way or another what they wanted.

Although she’s uncertain about what she wants right now, she says she finds some “comfort in knowing there is still a piece of him in the world and potentially a way to carry his memory forward.”

The couple hadn’t decided whether they wanted children or not (Stock Photo)


Getty Images/Science Photo Library RF)

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Taking to Reddit, the grieving woman explained that her late husband’s sister is a nurse, and asked if she could look through all of his chart information from the hospital.

Without thinking about it, she pointed her sister-in-law in the direction of the paperwork, which included information about the sperm extraction.

The poster – who goes by the username u/Leather-Ad-230 4 – wrote: “To say she flipped when she saw the sperm extraction paperwork would be an understatement. She lost her mind screaming at me about it.

“She said a lot, but this is what I remember: She called me selfish for trying to keep a piece of him for myself. I had no right to do this without talking to his family about it. I’m cruel for dragging his loss out by only maybe having his child.

“Their mum has been begging me to have children and I wouldn’t and to do it like this is disgusting, and she said he would have never agreed to this.

“But he did. We’re only in our late 20s and we’ve been together for 10 years. We did talk about this and he agreed I should do it if I want to”.

They’d already spoken about this possibility, and her husband had given his consent (Stock Photo)


Getty Images/iStockphoto)

According to the poster, she and her husband had drawn up wills, which specifically state that he consents to sperm extraction as long as his wife was the one to request it.

However, she wonders now if she could have gone about things differently.

One Reddit user advised: “He was your husband and I’d argue that you have more right to that decision than any of his blood family. If I were to die, I would want my wife calling the shots on everything. I love my parents and siblings but my wife is the one who has been my partner in everything.

“The sister is probably just overreacting due to the emotional trauma of the loss. She’s not an ***hole, either – just cut her some slack while she deals with it but do whatever you need to do for you.”

Another reassured her: “Ultimately, it’s something you discussed and he agreed to. If you didn’t extract his sperm and decided down the road that you did want his children, that regret would be a whole other thing to process.

“His sister’s reaction may have been out of line but she didn’t know that it’s something he agreed to. Her other comments about it being selfish and cruel are likely just coming from a place of grief.

“If you do talk to them soon, just clarify that he consented and it’s not something that would happen in the near future. Any further conversations can happen when you’ve all had a chance to process the loss.”

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