FANGIRL – A True Confession

Last night I had a dream that Leo Luo and Deng Lun came to my annual family reunion. Wow! What a sight to see these two beautiful “oppas” in all their glory saunter into the house crammed with loved ones. In my dream, they didn’t seem to be offended with the excessive noise level and confusion (we like to talk… A LOT in my family). *sigh* That was a wonderful fantasy that sadly came to an end with the sunrise. Truth be told only MDL friends will understand what an AWESOME dream that was. My family and friends would rather avoid the subject altogether.

Men of my dreams – Deng Lun & Leo Luo

Now as much as I wish my dreams were prophetic, the likelihood of those two wonderfully talented, and ahem… gorgeous actors joining my family in a game of sardines is slim to none. What I do believe is that my dream was a manifestation of my subconscious, illustrating my desire for my family to understand my need to be a fangirl.

I think this deep-seated desire came about because I’ve just finished watching Her Private Life and strangely enough, I identified a little too much with the character of Deok Mi and her fangirl ways. Just like Deok Mi, I also lead a double life. By day, I have a career (not as glamorous as Deok Mi’s curator job, but one that requires me to use my brain, nonetheless) and in my free time, well, I watch dramas, write about dramas, talk about dramas and um… yeah, I guess you could say I am a fangirl in many ways.

Park Min Young as Sung Deok Mi – Fangirl Extraordinaire

Unlike the highly motivated Deok Mi, I do not dress all in black and secretly take pictures of my “oppas” with a costly camera using a telephoto lens. Mainly because they live in Asia and I do not, and my talents do not lie in photography, I just can’t take a good picture. Unlike Deok Mi, I do not decorate my house with various paraphernalia like posters and pillows. Well, okay, those Mark Chao pictures in my office are purely for business reasons and have no meaning whatsoever and the fact that my heart still flutters every time I see his image anytime anywhere has nothing to do with it.

In Her Private Life, the character of Deok Mi eagerly attends all the concerts of her idol Si An. Sadly, because I don’t live anywhere close to Asia, I do not have the opportunity to attend any concerts for Deng Lun, or fan meetings of Leo Luo, or stalk the airport for Park Hae Jin, you get the idea. Alas, I am forced to worship them from afar, hoping against hope that another fangirl like me posts a YouTube video highlighting the virtues of Run Yu from Ashes of Love paired with really cool music.

About my subconscious… it’s important to note that I am incredibly close with my family, siblings, cousins, you name it, we love to get together and have fun. Truth be told, it is a source of embarrassment to them that I have fangirl tendencies. I get a lot of eye-rolling, groaning, or just plain disregarding anything I do or say when it comes to my fangirl activities. Perhaps my dream of those two awesome actors joining my family reunion is a subconscious desire for my loved ones to accept my eccentric little hobby and to embrace my need to keep with the latest news on Kim Jae Wook or Park Hae Jin, watch Ashes of Love over and over, and gaze longingly at pictures of Mark Chao throughout the day.

It’s not like my family should be surprised about this infatuation. Years ago, while spending a summer in Tokyo, I became infatuated with Matsumura Yuki as I watched him in a J-drama, so much that I begged to go to one of his concerts and even bought his album. If I’ve been fangirling since I was a child, my loved ones should have accepted this long ago.

Matsumura Yuki – childhood crush

HEY FAMILY! THIS ISN’T NEW! I’ve been a fangirl for more years than I care to admit. Embrace it.

In the show, Her Secret Life, the character of Deok Mi has a best friend that fangirls right along with her and they are too much fun. Luckily for me, I have my nieces who enjoy fangirling as well. Their rooms are peppered with posters of their favourite “oppas”, and we often text about our favourite shows and actors.

Just as Deok Mi, my mother would rather me do something else with my time than obsess over whether or not Park Hae Jin will do a Man to Man s2 or Mark Chao will be in the Eternal Love sequel. Fortunately, my mother, lives too far away to know about those Mark Chao pictures hanging in my office and doesn’t care to read any of my articles extolling the virtues of Chinese vs Korean dramas (and she’s unable to hit me on the arm unlike the poor Deok Mi).

In Her Private Life, Deok Mi snags a GORGEOUS boyfriend… hello, Kim Jae Wook… who understands her fangirl hobby and even supports it. NO SUCH THING! An understanding male in a meaningful relationship with a fangirl DOES NOT EXIST, but one can always dream. (And yes. I know. I have a male in my life, and he DOES NOT understand my fangirl hobby, nor does he look like Kim Jae Wook… travesty).

The fantasy of an understanding male in a fangirl’s life *sigh*

Sigmund Freud theorized that dreams were wishes fulfillment. Is my awesome dream from last night something I wish for? HECK YEAH! Can’t think of anything more exciting than sitting down and playing a rousing game of Exploding Kittens with good ole’ Deng Lun and Leo Luo and of course, all my obnoxious brothers. THAT would be an experience of a lifetime, regrettably, though, THAT is only a dream.

Let me know if you identified with the fangirl character of Deok Mi in Her Secret Life like I did. Are there any fangirls or fanboys that are completely misunderstood by your family and friends? Do you wish your family and friends embraced your fangirl/fanboy ways? Do you ever dream about your family and your idols? Should I seek psychological help?

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